5 ways to irritate people

By Erwina Lee, well-recognised self-proclaimed professional irritant.

5) Start singing the song:

I know a song that irritates you,
I know a song that irritates you,
I know a song that irritates you,
And the song goes like this: [pom pom pom]

Repeat the song as many times as you wish. No. of times repeated is directly proportionate to irritativity.

Irritating index: * *

Pros: No items needed at all!
Cons: You may be irritated yourself. And you may get a sore throat.

4) Write stupid, random stuff on other people’s foolscap [preferable new] or books. To be done in PENCIL. Suggested writings include “This book belongs to [insert name here. Can be your own], “Snake Squall<3333” or simply a very ugly smiley face that doesn’t look like one. Strength of writing is directly proportionate to irritativity.

Irritating index: * * *

Pros: You only need a pencil for the act. Can be done anywhere, anytime.
Cons: May not work on some people. May be forced to erase the crap.

3) When person A is introducing their favourite character/ idol etc to friend B, cut off A and tell B horrible stuff about the character that is untrue.

Eg:
A: Hey you know chocobo’s sooooooooooo cute!!!!
B: What’s chocobo?
A: It’s a bird from Final-
You: OH CHOCOBO! I KNOW! It’s a CHOCOLATE bird from MAPLESTORY!
A: Nooooooooo! Chocobo is such a cute-
You: Yes it’s brown and it’s NOT CUTE AT ALL!
… Something like that.

Irritating index: * * * *

Pros: Its pure evil
Cons: A will be soooooooo SAD

2) To irritate people who have ponytails. Pull their rubber band every time you walk past them. Works wonders.

Irritating index: * * * * [minus one star for the fact that it can’t be used on people with no ponytails.]

Pros: It is freakin’ irritatin’ >.< *stares at a certain nzy XD*
Cons: Require lots of practice and skill. May not work well for long, tight ponytails. May offend people [well but that’s the whole point]. If you need help on how to improve your rubber-band pulling skills, please look for NZY, who is an expert in the area.

1) To irritate people who use slide phones often: Slide the phone EVERY TIME they use it. Works best if they are in the middle of composing SMSes.
Irritating index: * * * * *
Pros: Easy, can be done anywhere, anytime with no items required (for yourself) Cons: Does not delete the half-composed message.

Final note: Like the expo essay, I’m not responsible for the consequences.